How to handle feelings

THE TRUTH, AS MESSY AS IT SOUNDS, IS THAT THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH.

That’s the thing about feelings: Sometimes we resist them, and then we sit around feeling more feelings about our feelings, drowning in reactive emotions. We remember what  happened and wonder what, if anything, we did to provoke it. We wonder what we could have done to prevent it. We wonder if we deserved it.  We think about how unfair things are and how we wish we could go back in time to change them. We think about how we handled things, and if maybe we could have made other choices to change the outcome of what it is. And then after all this resistance, we wonder what’s wrong with us for struggling so much in our own self-absorption. After all, there are so many other worse things going on in the world.

The truth, as messy as it sounds, is that the only way out is through. And the only way to let go is to truly belive in the possibility of different way of being — to know in our head and in our heart that we can live a life that doesn’t revolve around having been hurt or fearing future pain. We don’t always realize it when we’re sitting in our own self-destructed ground zero, but there will be a day when we feel better—if we just lt ourselves go through it. Everything gets better with time; how much time is up to us. It’s dependent on when we choose to change the stories we tell about our lives; when we decide to spend more time creating the life we want than lamenting the hand we’ve been dealt; and when we realize that no one’s love, forgiveness, or acceptance can be as profoundly healings as our own.

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